sansan

Havin a place of my own used to be far-fetched when i was a teenager… not even to mention havin a room of my own. However, e power of money brought by e ability to earn an income changed my situation! Got a place for myself & my family (finally, a place i called home) four years ago =) after movin ard for 9 to 10 times among rented rooms. Yes, i counted correctly.

People grow, people progress in life.. With 1 mom, 3 kids and 1 me, e sweet & cozy little nest of mine, though still has its warmth as far as im concerned, started to feel just a teeny bit cramp..

In recent years, well actually started late last year, i had this bigger dream of moving into a slightly bigger space. Thanks to my lil’ sis who tots are often verbal, i hope to provide her with her personal wardrobe & some privacy for the 3 of them.. E tot of gettin a 4-room flat soon became a desire..

At e same time, due to inconvenience & discomfort encountered on numerous occasions at work, and with slightly better income, i had this "fantasy" of treating myself better by helpin me work more efficiently with a 4-wheeler.. Juz at this juncture, mom announced her pre-matured retirement, and since my cpf has since been drained, i started dumpin cash into my tiny lodge.. my fantasy can remain a fantasy..

i’ve been very lucky to be endowed with strong willpower & a positive mindset. Im lookin fwd to my desire crystalizing in 2007 & maybe even my fantasy becoming a reality without havin me feel the pinch! Work hard and get there! Jia you!

Once bitten, twice shy…

When we’ve had really unpleasant experiences in life, especially when such experiences caused emotional pain, in a more or less dramatic way, and in the not-so distant-past.. And if at the same time, due to certain reasons, we have to be constantly reminded of the past, fear emerged..

It caused us be extra careful about moving forward… in the way it might have taken away the spontaneous good feel! We might be deterred inevitably from enjoyment. Such may be unnecessary worry.. However, having gone thru such predicament, we may be able to better understand and accept it when things don’t always go the way we hope it to be..

Fear of uncertainties.. What if similar unhappy things happen again? What if hurt comes about again? Do i wana take the chance and hope for a different outcome this time round? Or should i just pass.. What urges one more?

Dun let the past affect the possible wonderful future.. the past might have happened for the reason tat one can appreciate the present more, no? Even if this sounds lame, isn’t it a better option to think it this way? It’s ok to take some time to make emotional adjustments within oneself, in participation for a better future, but while u’re still considering such factors, commitment may have already been made.. not by u.

As far as i’m concerned, freedom to exercise human rights is something i feel very strongly about. Speak not to cause emotional distraught or embarrassment to any other parties, Act not to cause physical damage to anyone else. What i mean is possessing firm opinions on any one subject matter that one feels strongly about in his or her own way. There is no right or wrong.

An organization where you lose the freedom to exercise one’s rights and have to be led by monocracy or dictatorship, be it due to hierarchical fundamentals set forth or fear of being the only one in the world to be having a slightly unique opinion, be prepared to lose yourself. I’ve seen people compromising on their basic rights in order to fit it… I rest my case.

Is it really worth sticking strongly to one’s principles even when consequences of that is not in one’s favor?

I find myself being stubborn, as a result of believing too strongly in upholding my principles in life.  Because it’s so subjective, i’m often viewed as being inflexible on occasions, and it’s worse when it is easy to be proven i would be on the losing end by not doing politically-correct things simply because that would be against my principles! Acquaintance asked, "Does it pay to stick to your principles and forgo beneficial opportunities? Why be so stubborn and not look at the bigger picture?"

i ask myself, "Should i try compromising on my principles to make paths in my life an easier walk?"

For someone who hasn’t been sick for a long long time (just wana say i’ve always been very healthy), getting chicken pox at this age is hell! Isn’t it supposed to be a child virus?

I started to feel very strange a couple of days back, body started aching and head spinned alittle ocassionally.  Come yesterday, after survey at tanjong pagar, a very sick (literally) feeling overwhelmed me… I ignored and carried on to a fren’s grandma’s wake.. kena abit of rain… head spinned faster! By the time i reached home, i knew i was sick. Suddenly, i saw bubbles on my stomach and one at a corner of my face! After i came out of shower, i was already quite certain i got the chicky virus! My sis counted 10 bubbles on my back.. Gross!

Im now on 2 weeks MC, today’s just my first day and im starting to feel bored. I’ve to cancel all my appts and stay at home?? =( Worse, no internet access or SCV at home! Cry cry…

i alwaz believe im here with a reason, im livin my life for someone(s) else.. in my life…

things havent been ez since e day i understood how to feel… grandma was great! she’s my habour.. but she’s long gone.. miss her dearly. mum had been really tough.. cuz of her own sad life. i couldn’t understand her until i turned..16?  e kids’ were a chore! stolen my precious freedom durin teenhood, i can never get it back, but hey, i hv never regreted.. they r my little treasures in life.. i tot i’ll never know my elder sis(s) as my flesh n blood sibs, but i was wrong! blood’s thicker than water indeed. and dad..? who?

once i’ve been thru bad times, experiences i need not gain but did, i learn to appreciate, n tats when life seems more meaningful, purposeful. when i know i cant juz go away cuz i dun live my life juz for myslf. i naturally persevere, i wun gv up. im not noble nor magnanimous, im juz doin wat makes me happy, happier in one way than e other..

met many along my course of life so far, more good than rotten.. tats luck. rite ones, bad time.. rite time, wrong ones.. juz cant fix e pcs rite.. no more time? any one!

life’s abt goin thru as many situations as possible, experiences… i live only once, why live so cautiously? i’d never know if i never try.. take chances.